Few things in life are more stressful than moving house.
In no particular order, here is a completely objective and non-definitive list of the absolute worst parts about shifting.
1. That drawer
We all have that drawer – the one crammed with dead batteries, foreign currency, takeout menus that never see the light of day because you order the same thing every time, miscellaneous screws from home furniture projects, and chargers for products Apple stopped stocking in 2009.At some point in your move, you will have to confront it.
2. Hidden filth
If you want to know how truly dirty you are, lift up the bed. That layer of grey dust is you – all the skin cells that have accumulated beyond the reach of the vacuum cleaner since you last moved house. At least you’ll be reunited with one or two socks you thought had long gone, some random scraps of paper and art that may have fallen off the walls.
3. Wasting time packing emotions
Moving house forces you to reckon with every possession, meaningful or no, that you’ve ever accumulated. It’s almost impossible not to waste a certain amount of time sitting on the edge of the bed, holding up each knick-knack like baby Simba, taking the time to remember exactly where it came from, before chucking it in the bin pile anyway.
4. Why do I have so much stuff???
Marie Kondo was right. None of this sparks joy. If you don’t throw away at least two bin bags full of possessions when you shift, and another two when you unpack – you did it wrong.
5. The pantry debate
Every time I’ve ever moved house, without fail, my frazzled brain seems to think I won’t need pantry staples in my new life. A half bag of rice? Toss. That last bit of jam? In the bin. When did I last use turmeric anyway? Inevitably, I then have to expensively re-stock the pantry with all the oils, grains and herbs I binned out of pure laziness in a pre-move blitz.
6. Fighting the urge to buy everything new
Now you have a new house, you need a new duvet, right? Surely, this new house also needs a new set of plates, and mugs, and decor?
No, it doesn’t. Unless …
7. It doesn’t fit
Some beloved pieces of furniture that suited the old house perfectly just don’t look right anymore.
8. Double deep clean
It wasn’t enough to clean the house you just left; you need to clean the house you’re moving into as well.
9. The cost
Unless your mates have utes and can be lured with pizza and beer, you’ll have to fork out hundreds, at least, for movers. If the aforementioned mates do say they’ll help you move, at least two are guaranteed to come down with mysterious illnesses, or commitments come moving day.
10. Setting up Wi-Fi
How does the internet work, anyway? Shouldn’t it come with the house? Somebody help.